In one of the presentations tonight -- on lede writing -- the presenter gave "Show Don't Tell" as one powerful tool for improving story ledes. Fine a few effective examples of that advice and post them here. Have a Happy Thanksgiving and I will see you next week.
Showing instead of telling gives the story more color. If a person writes "he is tired", they are only telling the reader a person is tired. However, if the journalist wrote, "his sluggish body walked through the door as he looked at me with droopy eyes", that is showing the reader the man was tired. In order to show instead of tell, the writer needs to go into more detail. They should explain the atmosphere and the people in a way where the reader can paint a picture in their mind.
ReplyDeleteThis excerpt from the New York Times is a good example of showing rather than telling:
"As the two of them prepared breakfast together one Saturday in June, just after L. finished fifth grade, Mike sang a little ditty about how she was his favorite daughter. A few minutes later, when he noticed L. sneaking a piece of raw biscuit dough, he poked her. She looked at him impishly until they both giggled."
Instead of telling the audience that the father and daughter had a good relationship, the writer showed them so they could better understand.
Here is where you can read the rest of this article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/magazine/22Paternity-t.html?_r=1&hpw
Though the point of the lede paragraph is to give readers the main idea, it must also be written in a way that gets readers interested enough to read the rest of the story. Without being wordy or monotonous, the writer must give enough detail of emotion and atmosphere to evoke the readers’ senses.
ReplyDeleteExamples:
BARNEYS New York wants us to “Have a Witty Holiday” this year, or so its witty holiday windows declare. Yes, please! A little whimsy is exactly what we need. Perhaps that’s why we’re seeing reflections of the artist Jeff Koons in the shiny holiday decorations, metallic gift wrap and Pop-y bright fashion accessories.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/26/fashion/26POINTS.html?_r=1&ref=fashion
Simply put, you wish you were friends with Mike Posner. He’s an intelligent Duke senior, majoring in sociology and business, and a fun-loving frat boy to boot. But he’s also a hugely talented singer and producer, recently signed to J Records after a label bidding war.
http://www.34st.com/content/2009/nov/best-midwest
-arielle hoch
Choosing a good lede for starting a story can be hard at times, which is why the "Show Don't Tell" lede is a great way to grab the reader's attention and avoid boring ledes.
ReplyDeleteExamples of "Show Don't Tell" ledes...
Grocery shopping last weekend, I saw a girl, twelve or so, with her mother.
The mom was going to put some Nutella in the cart, when the daughter shouted, “Are you trying to kill me? This thing’s gonna get me fat.”
This is a good example of a show don't tell lede because it is painting a picture of how the girl overreacted when her mother placed a fatty food in the shopping cart. Sadly this depiction is what society has evolved to, which is why it is so believable.
http://theminaretonline.com/?p=8091
When she was helping her son with his homework Saturday night, a Central Bucks mother noticed something that surprised and shocked her.
"I couldn't understand what I was looking at," said the woman, whose identity the newspaper has agreed not to disclose.
It was a work sheet called "Solving Equations using Multiplication and Division!" and it featured a photo of a black man wearing a straw hat, shirt and suspenders, with his mostly toothless mouth wide open. As if to underscore the man's stupidity, at the bottom of the picture was written, "NO WAI!!!"
Again this example is painting a picture of a situation involving a worried mother accusing her sons teacher of being racist. Instead of explaining what happens, details are used to help the reader understand what the image says as well as its underlying meaning.
http://www.phillyburbs.com/news/local/burlington_county_times/bct_news_details/article/92/2009/october/27/mother-school-work-sheet-is-racist.html
On NewYorkPost.com, there was an article about a police offer suing the county police department for not supplying the cops with adequite bulletproof vests. He was shot during an arrest when the suspect grabbed a gun and shot the cop injuring him, while the supposed bulletproof vest did nothing to protect him.
ReplyDeleteThe article starts the first paragraph telling who was involved, what was the incident that took place, where it was, and why there is an issue. it gets right to the point immediately in the lede. the article goes on to give more details on what happened and why this cop feels he's justified to sue the county, but it was a good example of a strong lede.
http://newyorkpost.com/p/news/local/shot_cop_sues_over_bad_vest_1i1XeiB40jfUsqtXSkpSZJ
Show and not tell is a great tool to use for lede writing and is a great way to catch the readers interest and really paint a picture.
ReplyDelete"KATHRYN HALL, a former ambassador to Austria, and her husband, Craig, an entrepreneur and real estate developer, sit on the balcony of their namesake winery, Hall Wines, sipping a red and admiring the mountain-fringed backdrop of Napa Valley. It’s early October, and purple clusters of ripening cabernet sauvignon grapes hang from rows of trellised vines, waiting for the harvest"
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/29/business/29wine.html?em
This great example puts you right at the scene described, and you feel as if you are sipping wine and staring at this beautiful landscape
"THE city’s unofficial motto, “Keep Austin Weird,” blares from bumper stickers on BMWs and jalopies alike, on T-shirts worn by joggers along Lady Bird Lake and in the windows of independently owned shops and restaurants. It’s an exhortation for a city that clings to eccentricity, even in the face of rapid development — downtown Austin, for one, is being transformed with a fleet of high-rise condos and a W Hotel, scheduled to open late next year. But this funky college town, known for its liberal leanings and rich music scene, has little to worry about — at least as long as its openhearted citizens, with their colorful bungalows and tattoos, do their part to keep the city endearingly odd. As one local put it: “As long as Austinites keep decorating their bodies and cars, we’re going to be fine.”
http://travel.nytimes.com/2009/11/29/travel/29hours.html?em
Another great example. Makes you feel as though you experienced the town and all of its aspects.
When I think of 'Show don't tell' I think of photographs, paintings or something that you can physically explain to a person. There are often times when I will be explaining something to a friend or classmate and they are not able to understand what exactly I am trying to say, so to give them an example I show them something that they can understand.
ReplyDeleteShow don't tell is an excellent method to capture the readers attention, because it helps describe the lede and helps the reader to understand easily.
An example of show don't tell that I found was:-
161street.wordpress.com/2009/06/07/meeting-13-show-dont-tell/
By:- Charu Bahl
Example of SHOW don't TELL!
ReplyDeleteNYT -
"A 2-year-old opens the door to a costumed Santa. He gives her M&M’s and, gingerly, she hugs him. Then her stunned mother lets loose a yelp — “It’s Daddy!” — home six weeks early from Afghanistan. And while Mommy smooches Santa, thumping his chest (“You stinker!” “This is the best Christmas ever!”), the child looks quizzical. “Da-dee?”
NYT -
"...as the children peer eagerly at the Christmas tree through a keyhole, to the intricately constructed activities of the party, Marie’s dream and the voyage to the lands of snow and sweets, Balanchine keeps us in the enchanted world of warmth and light, innocence and benevolence, order and magic, conjured by Tchaikovsky’s score."
"A scent teased his nose. Not the overwhelming smell of fish and frostbite, but a fresh smell, like the smell of skin just out of the shower. He glanced sideways and saw the most perfect arm he'd ever seen in his life. Long, slender, graceful, full of sinewy muscle and smooth skin. His eyes followed the arm to the shoulder and then the head. Her head. A head covered with long blond hair and containing a face that made his heart stop."
"Consummation of the soul. That's what Sam called the gratification he received from music. When his passion became so intense it begged to be satisfied, pleaded to be released, and he was helpless to resist its urges. When his fingers assumed a life of their own, titillating the ivory keys with the complex music of Bach and Mozart and Beethoven, and he became one with the cadence, breathing with the crescendos, his fingers caressing the melody, until everything else faded, everything else disappeared, and only the music existed."
A good lead isn't as easy as it sounds. It must grab the readers attention, give insight to the story and all in the confines of a few short sentences. Many tactics are used to accomplish this and I found Bryan Curtis's of Slant Magazine very effective. Similar to a celebrity endorsement in the commercial industry, Curtis uses journalism icon Jim Romenesko name to entice and clue in readers.
ReplyDelete"In the dozen or so hours a day I spend on Jim Romenesko's media news Web site, I have read a lot about college newspapers."
Following the celebrity name drop Curtis justifies the Romenesko remark with
"Collegiate editors run amok. Editorialists making sloppy pronouncements. ("I want all Arabs to be stripped naked and cavity-searched if they get within 100 yards of an airport," wrote one columnist—an international studies major.) Plagiarists, con artists, and hacks: the kind of journalistic malefactors that Romenesko specializes in smoking out for public inspection. he difference, of course, is that the collegians are usually between 18 and 22 years old. And if they're anything like I was during that interregnum, they don't have a clue about where to place a comma—let alone how to craft their public personae for their future colleagues. "
By this point interest is sparked and most readers are hooked for the whole article. Read the rest of Curtis's article, Why aspiring writers should be allowed to fail in private, at http://www.slate.com/id/2130495/
From an article in The Wall Street Journal:
ReplyDelete"Companies Look to Go 'Vertical'"
Companies are reviving "vertical integration," a 100-year-old strategy in which a firm controls materials, manufacturing and distribution.
Matt D.
"A year after an unfolding economic crisis sent consumers into shock, they ventured out Friday and opened their wallets a bit — still hunting bargains, but no longer quite so afraid to spend."
ReplyDeleteThis quote shows instead of tells, by saying for example “opened their wallets” instead of something along the lines of “spent more money”. This gives the reader a more visual interest.
"With Thanksgiving now under our belts and the holiday season in full swing, a new diet that seems almost tailor-made for this time of year is making headlines."
This lead is interesting with the play on words. “Under our belts” as in thanksgiving has passed and also referring to the packed on pounds. This shows instead of tells.
"So here's what free speech has come to on campus: "Name the freshman sluts!" an anonymous post demands on the Indiana University page of a multischool gossip site. So-and-so "has herpes!" proclaims an unsigned post on Texas Christian University's page. Among the profundities on the University of Alabama page: "Frats = fags."
This is a lead that is actually providing short examples that is giving more than just a description it is showing what is going on on these gossip websites. This will propel the reader to want to keep reading.
Show, don't tell gives the reader much more details. It can enable the reader to picture something perfectly. If someone just tells, the reader does not quite fully understand.
ReplyDeleteIn this article from the New York TImes (http://travel.nytimes.com/2009/11/29/travel/29canyon.html?em), the writer could have just said, I went to the grand canyon and I didn't like it because of these reasons but instead she makes the reader feel like they can picture her situation perfectly.
I have to confess I was disappointed on my first visit to the canyon more than a decade ago. One July, on our way to Los Angeles, my family and I swung off the highway and made the 60-mile detour to the South Rim, and found ourselves caught in a long traffic jam. When we eventually managed to park, and walked to the rim, the scale of the sight off the edge was so great it was hard to muster a response. It was so vast, and so familiar from innumerable pictures, it might just as well have been a picture. What impressed me most was the Babel of languages audible among the files of visitors pouring off the tour buses. It sounded like Times Square on a Saturday night, with every continent represented in the hubbub.
The next article I found was about vegan recipes. She could have just said in her article she did not like the taste of vegan recipes or understood why they thought they were saving the world. Instead, she tells a funny story about how her sister came over and they made cookies together. I also found showing vs. telling also makes the article more humorous.
I wasn’t convinced, but I went back and tried one again. It was better having cooled completely because the outside was crunchy, so it tasted more like a cookie and less like homework. I thought how odd it was for my sister and me to have been raised in the same house, eating the same food and ending up with such different mouths.
I e-mailed her to ask if her boys enjoyed the cookies. She told me that Ilan, the 5-year-old, took one sniff, then refused to try them.
I always liked that kid.http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/02/dining/02feed.html?ref=style
I think showing is much more effective than telling and will definitely increase a writers readership.
-Alex Guerra