Spring Break

Have you heard about the new law that requires universities to have a two day recovery period for students returning from spring break?

No? Well that’s because there isn’t one, but you GWA majors and future politicians should really get on that. Why? Well because right about now, students all over the nation are feeling the aftereffects of spring break, and desperately need a little recuperation session. It’s common knowledge, when you get back from Panama City, Daytona Beach, Miami, wherever, you need a break from spring break. I know, I know, traditionally that break falls on the first two days of classes, right? Well of course, I mean, I have missed four classes in a row now. But wouldn’t it be more efficient if there was just an official recovery session? It’s almost as if students are being punished for missing these post-spring break classes that we can’t possibly be expected to attend. I know that I myself have missed a quiz, a couple of assignments, and god knows what else, and my grades will suffer because of this, all because those cold-hearted academics hiding in their bookcase-lined offices enjoy sucking all of the fun out of college with their assignments, tests and most especially, participation grades.

Now, since the all of the administration, professors, parents, hell probably even the cleaning crews know that students will use these extra few days to prolong the partying, I propose all of the above-mentioned parties (maybe not the cleaning crews) have some sort of committee and come up with a clever plan to force or fool us into using our hypothetical two-day post-spring break break to recuperate. Maybe hand out cash rewards for students that remain sober for both Monday and Tuesday. Or just surprise us every year by giving us the days off at the last minute. I don’t know exactly what the best plan would be, but you administration types seem to always think you know what’s best for us anyway, so come up with something. It’s your job.

And yes. I understand that my dreams of a post-spring break break will never be realized, but I do think professors should stop handing out assignments that are due after spring break. Maybe if you curmudgeons would just take a quick trip down memory lane and think about your college days, you wouldn’t be so cruel. Don’t you remember what it was like to have fun? Can’t you remember the days of the beach and parties? Oh that’s right, you were all off fighting World War I or growing victory gardens. Well just know, you may have the power to put a damper on our spring break fun, but out of principle, we all give you bad professor reviews at the end of the year. That’s karma you cranky old bitches.